Hello, dear Pokemon trainers, gym leaders, professors, and breeders! Sorry if I missed out your occupation - there are an infinite number of them, after all; just add the word 'Pokemon' before it, the way Tracey did. (No, Trace, a 'watcher' isn't a real occupation!)
Ever since I was a teeny little kid who tuned into Cartoon Network at five p.m. every evening to watch Ash mess up some Pokemon battles, I've wanted Pokemon to be real. I've wanted to be a trainer, or even better, a Champion.
So as I was scrolling down my FB news feed today, I chanced upon a photo that World of Pokemon had uploaded: 'Would Pokemon battles exist in the real world?'
And that really got me thinking.... No, they wouldn't.
With some rocking, inspirational and awesome Pokemon theme songs in the background, giving me brain power, let me explain why the existence of Pokemon would kill all of us. All of us!
And know, in your hearts, that there is nothing you can do to live.
Firstly, even if we somehow managed to genetically modify animals and create Pocket Monsters, battles would be illegal. PETA is upset with just the idea of a game where Pokemon are pitted against each other - imagine their fury when humans carry on battling in the real world, too!
Actually, forget battles. Simply storing them in a Pokeball as a pet would cause activists to go bonkers! Give them their freedom, they'd say!
Nope, there's no way any of us can be Pokemon trainers, gym leaders, professors, breeders or (dare I say it?) watchers in this world.
'I choose you... Swati!'
Secondly, the existence of Pokemon would only create wars. Terrorism is illegal and it still happens, doesn't it? Pokemon might not replace bombs, but they'd certainly be cheaper if they're found by walking two steps in grass! An easy way to kill everyone!
Thirdly, Pokemon aren't stupid. I don't understand why they'd want to fight each other just to please us humans! Nobody likes visiting Nurse Joy that many times (except perhaps Brock), and all to boost a ten-year-old kid's ego!
Joy, oh Joy...
Instead, they would turn on us. Terrorists would want to use Pokemon as a weapon, but even they wouldn't be able to control these monsters!
We would have a World War III on our hands - Pokemon versus man. And no matter what you say, Pokemon would win.
^This was a good episode, though!
The only reason humans are at the top of the food chain right now is that they can kill from a range, or a distance. No other animal can do that... yet.
But think about it! You can't point a gun at Alakazam. His psychic powers would make you incapable of doing anything! Blaziken would burn down your house in a pinch. Gyarados would cause tsunamis!
I don't think a change of heart is going to help us defeat Mewtwo this time!
Don't even get me started on the legendary Pokemon. Oh, if they all joined forces to protect their species, that's it. That's the end of the world as we know it.
So, there you have it! Is everyone's childhood dream shattered? Yes? Alright, then!
Humans are probably the most powerful species out there today. But if Pokemon existed, they would kill us all and take over the Earth. Then after millions of years, hopefully, Chimchar and its evolutions would evolve even further to become Flamo-Sapiens, fire-breathing human beings!
Huh. That would be cool...
Anyway, what are your theories? Do you agree with me, or are you still a believer? Let me know in the comments below.
I'll see you all next time. Until then, rewatch the old anime episodes on Youtube, play the Pokemon games, defeat your rivals and get nostalgic. :')