Ambition is a dangerous thing. I've been taught my whole life by my teachers, my peers, my family, even society, that the only thing worse than moving backwards is staying still. Stillness is the enemy. We must always keep marching on. We must always work harder. Think smarter. Live better. Do anything and everything in our power to be more than who we are.
Why is everyone so obsessed with perfection, with becoming better? Heck, why am I so obsessed with it? Does becoming perfect - an unrealistic concept, by the way - guarantee happiness? Isn't it just enough to be breathing and living and at peace with yourself?
I have been struggling with this obsession for so many years now, Geeks. I have this need to be more than what I was yesterday. Smarter. Stronger. Fitter. Happier. Healthier. A better student. A better friend. A better daughter. A better sister. A better citizen.
And why? What does it prove? What does it mean? Whom does it benefit?
Nothing. No one.
Nothing. No one.
I'm tired of living in this world of the comparative and superlative. I'm tired of always having to be more than what I am. Because I am flesh and blood and tears and smiles and laughter and anger and stardust and bone and life. I do not need to be anything else.
I spent so many years living this so-called ambitious lifestyle, a life of big dreams, a life of expectations I could never exceed. And what did that lead to? A mental illness. Depression. High sensitivity. Years of stress and anger and frustration.
But to hell with all of that. Stillness is fantastic. Stillness is where you find yourself. It's a place where you can be and not be, all at once. It's where you're calm and you're at peace and you're you. You aren't trying to be more or less than anything. Stillness is what the world needs.
Don't think that stillness means being lazy or not working hard. Stillness just means being okay with the way you are right now, no matter how you look, how you think or how you behave.
I'm all for self-help and self-improvement. I used to love it. But now... it's too much. Too overwhelming. I don't need to change every single thing about myself. I don't need to know the top five ways I'm ruining my health, or the best ten ways to get a good night's sleep, or even the seven habits of overachievers. I don't need any of that advice to be happy with my life. And that's something I've learned too late.
I know most of you won't agree with me, and that's okay. Maybe you don't need to be still. Maybe being still doesn't agree with you. Maybe you enjoy being more than what you are, every minute of every day of every year of your life. And I'm happy for you, I am.
But I'm only here to tell you one thing: if it's not something that makes you feel better, if it's an obsession or thought that keeps you from being happy when you're still, then it's not really doing you any good.