Sunday, 30 July 2017

Why It's Okay to Ask for Help

noun: help
the action of helping someone to do something.

"I asked for help from my neighbours""

exclamation: help
used as an appeal for urgent assistance.

"Help! I'm drowning!"

Or maybe: "Help! I'm dying!"

I'm not sure if it's always been this way - in which case, this is worse than I thought - but there seems to be a trend lately of saying, "People cannot help you. People will not help you. The only person who can save you is yourself."
And let me tell you, that is complete bullshit.

Why is it so uncool to ask someone for help when you're suffering? Say you're lost in a new city and ask someone for directions because your map makes no sense. Would someone tell you off and say you should stop depending on others? What if you can't figure out how the Xerox machine at your office works and you ask a coworker to help you? Does that make you a weak person? 

No, right?

Then why is it so wrong to rely on someone when you're going through hell?

Don't get me wrong. People cross seas to come to your aid when you ask for help (metaphorically) or say you're not okay, even if they don't know how to help you, or if they can even help you in the first place. I realised that when I said I wasn't doing well on my Facebook page, and so many of you reached out, whether through the comments, through WhatsApp or even by phone. That's incredible, and I am so grateful to my Geeks for that.

But... there are also some people who think you should be the one to pull yourself through tough times. You should be able to deal with it all on your own. You're strong enough, so why are you imposing on others?

I may or may not still have something known as avoidant-dependent personality disorder, which means while I depend on people heavily for even the smallest of decisions, I also push them away when they try to help me. That's not healthy. That's not healthy at all. 

And I didn't even know about this until I asked a friend to help me figure out what my issues were before I sought professional help. Yes, that's right. H-E-L-P. I knew what my destination was and I knew I had two legs to get there. But what I didn't know was the way. 

Why isn't that okay? 

Self-help is excellent. I'm a huge advocate of it. You should always, always, always do your best to fix things. Try and fail, but try again. Don't lose hope. And yes, you are strong enough to deal with everything. However, there is nothing wrong in external help. I'm telling you this as a person who's recovering from DPD. Needing help is not a bad thing. 

First, you have to stop thinking no one can help you. I feel this way quite often, during my lows. I even posted something on my Facebook page about it, and I do regret that, because it isn't true. Second, you have to understand that if you don't ask for help, no one will give it to you. Like Dumbledore once said, "Help will always be given (at Hogwarts) to those who ask for it." Lastly, if no one will help you, you'll go right back to point one and think people don't care.

If I had thought I couldn't be helped, that only I could fix my bipolar disorder and BPD, I would not be here today. I have my shrink, my psychiatrist, my friends and my family to help me. Without their support, I would not be here today. 

So please, please, please: next time someone tells you they need someone, they want more friends, they want to be loved, they just want someone to talk to, don't tell them off. Tell them that's it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to want people around. It's okay to want to be okay. It's okay. 

That's it for today. And yes, my hiatus is now over. :)

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